New day, new Life....

For my friends beginning a new path...........
All things end, it’s the very nature of our understanding of existence. There's a trick to the graceful exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over- and to let go. It means leaving what's over without denying its validity or its past importance in our lives.
 It involves a sense of future; a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving on, rather than out. You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something or someone to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings and that any guarantee or "happily ever after" must begin with you. Sometimes….ya gotta be your own cavalry.
So, you begin to make your way through the "reality of today" rather than holding out for the "promise of tomorrow", Let go of the “what might have been’s” and “Maybe this time’s”.   You realize that much of whom you are and the way you weave through life is, in great, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime. Though you cannot ignore the choices we make as a result of that conditioning. You begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about, begin to discover what’s real and what’s fluff.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say intentionally or unintentionally, that not everyone will always come through, and interestingly enough, it's not always about you.
So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to a place to blame the things that were done to you or weren't done to you. You , and only you, have to take ownership for your life, actions, inactions, and reactions. You learn to keep your ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive behavior it spawns: anger, jealousy and resentment.
You learn to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties, but that doesn’t mean you have to allow them to continue to poison your life. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly ok and that it is your right to want or expect certain things.
You learn that the only cross you bear is the one you choose to carry and eventually martyrs will be burned at the stake. It is perfectly acceptable and honorable to own your sins, but there comes a time when you have to forgive yourself and even the most ardent self-flagellation fan says ‘enough is enough’.
Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility for one’s actions and the utter importance of setting boundaries and learning to say no. You learn you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and sometimes you just have to let go of the pain and anger.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they are and not how you want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that as people grow and change so is it with love and relationships. There is no sin in this, it’s simple evolution.
Unfortunately, not everyone can always love you the way you want them to. So, you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly, you realize that it is wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities or meet your "standards" or "expectations."  This is a sure path to self-destruction.
You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. So, you stop trying to control people, situations or outcomes and cease allowing yourself to be controlled as well.
You learn that "alone" doesn't mean "lonely" and you begin to discover spending time "with yourself" rather than "on yourself." Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love of all, self-love. No…put the lotion down, not THAT kind of self-love.  Until you can love and respect yourself, you cannot expect anyone else to either.
And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals, and now all things are possible. Moving along, you begin to avoid toxic people and situations.  You stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situations with family and friends. Life, Time, Energy…these are all finite things, we never know how much we really have, or when it’s gone. So we must make the most of what we have, WHILE we have it.  The past is a nice place to visit, but if you head through life looking backward, you miss what’s right in front of you.
You learn that talk doesn't always change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So, you stop lamenting over what could and should have been and you make a decision to leave your past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. This, more than anything is where I have faltered. The first steps are always the hardest and most frightening. A familiar horror is often preferable to a dark unknown.
You take a personal honest inventory or all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead. You set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through. You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you think you deserve or want for that matter. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God...but merely a random act of fate. You stop looking for ‘meanings’ in trivial actions or words and focus on substance.
So, you stop looking for guarantees because you've learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you'll learn to deal with it. You learn to step right through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. Fear of death will not prevent death, but it will prevent life.  You learn that much of life is truly a self-fulfilling prophecy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of impending doom.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself and to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself again and to never settle for less than your hearts desire. Then a sense of power is born or self-reliance and you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principals are not the outdated ideas of a by-gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. As a father I’m tasked with setting a standard to live by, not a poor example to be avoided. This has not always been the case.
So, you make a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open for every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side, you take a stand. You fake a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.
In some of my darkest hours, most painful and frightening hours I have prayed for not the answers to my prayers or for material things(…..well there was that powerball ticket…) but for my God to help me find the strength, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day and do what I must do and the faith that things will unfold as intended, but not always as you want.
“You're born, you live and you die. There are no due overs no second chances to make things right if you frak them up the first time, not in this life anyway. ”_Lt. Kendra Shaw
The trick of leaving well may be the trick of living well. It's hard to recognize that life isn't a holding action but a process. It's hard to learn that we don't leave the best parts of ourselves behind, back at the dugout or the office. We own what we learned back there…the good as well as the bad. The experiences and the growth are grafted onto our lives.  And when we exit, we can take ourselves along- quite gracefully.
“Like I said, you make your choices and you live with them and in the end… you ARE those choices.”-Lt. Kendra Shaw

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