As it is, not as we see it
It's amazing what you find out when you stop looking at something as you wish it to be.....and see it as it IS.....
This seems to be a recurring theme over the last few years.
A great deal of my issues has come from ignoring my instincts. Taking things and people on words and faith alone. Combine that with an unfortunate ability to believe something is more than what the facts show it to be....and you can begin to understand my frustration.
A close friend asked me to come up with a number of 1 sentence lessons to pass on to my kids that I've learned over the last 4 years. I thought it was an interesting exercise.
It showed me just how scarred I am. It was an eye-opener.
Why is it that people fear the blunt straight truth? Not seeking it, we all want that. But few actually give it. We him and we haw and we dodge and sand the rough edges off. But we are rarely straight, blunt, & 100% truthful.
I'll use a example from my time with Tammy. When I cheated and Lied to her about it. Even after I was caught, I never said it. I just said yes, I referred to it as "that time", or "the whole stuff with her".
I justified it as sparing feelings, I justified the lies as sparing her feelings. But it was self serving at best. I was sparing my own guilt and shame from fully owning up to it.
And some do it because their pride does not allow them to contend with what they have done.....either way it is problematic to say the least.
Then something wonderful happened. I simply, plainly, bluntly...out loud, to her...what I had done.
See, when you do that comes an amazing power. It comes with ownership, responsibility, & acknowledgement. I noticed Tammy did them same....well not the bluntness. But that is a story for another time, and it is her demon to wrestle with, not mine.
When you give someone the full, blunt truth, you empower them as well. They are then able to make decisions based upon the full complete story. For some reason we have gotten away from this. Worse yet, sometimes we as people will create drama as a distraction from the truth or even invent conversations to justify actions. This is just tacky in my opinion....and yes I have been guilty of this myself. I made an effort to make amends and correct my past mistakes....have full disclosure with those I have not been open with.
The difficulty lies in when someone doesn't reciprocate, either from some sense of entitlement, anger, or Stubbornness. This sets the process back some because you have this belief that "Well if they're not , why should I?". This is the wrong position to take. If you are doing this simply because you want something, it will never last.
It should be done because it is the RIGHT thing to do.
I'll expand more on this later
This seems to be a recurring theme over the last few years.
A great deal of my issues has come from ignoring my instincts. Taking things and people on words and faith alone. Combine that with an unfortunate ability to believe something is more than what the facts show it to be....and you can begin to understand my frustration.
A close friend asked me to come up with a number of 1 sentence lessons to pass on to my kids that I've learned over the last 4 years. I thought it was an interesting exercise.
It showed me just how scarred I am. It was an eye-opener.
Why is it that people fear the blunt straight truth? Not seeking it, we all want that. But few actually give it. We him and we haw and we dodge and sand the rough edges off. But we are rarely straight, blunt, & 100% truthful.
I'll use a example from my time with Tammy. When I cheated and Lied to her about it. Even after I was caught, I never said it. I just said yes, I referred to it as "that time", or "the whole stuff with her".
I justified it as sparing feelings, I justified the lies as sparing her feelings. But it was self serving at best. I was sparing my own guilt and shame from fully owning up to it.
And some do it because their pride does not allow them to contend with what they have done.....either way it is problematic to say the least.
Then something wonderful happened. I simply, plainly, bluntly...out loud, to her...what I had done.
See, when you do that comes an amazing power. It comes with ownership, responsibility, & acknowledgement. I noticed Tammy did them same....well not the bluntness. But that is a story for another time, and it is her demon to wrestle with, not mine.
When you give someone the full, blunt truth, you empower them as well. They are then able to make decisions based upon the full complete story. For some reason we have gotten away from this. Worse yet, sometimes we as people will create drama as a distraction from the truth or even invent conversations to justify actions. This is just tacky in my opinion....and yes I have been guilty of this myself. I made an effort to make amends and correct my past mistakes....have full disclosure with those I have not been open with.
The difficulty lies in when someone doesn't reciprocate, either from some sense of entitlement, anger, or Stubbornness. This sets the process back some because you have this belief that "Well if they're not , why should I?". This is the wrong position to take. If you are doing this simply because you want something, it will never last.
It should be done because it is the RIGHT thing to do.
I'll expand more on this later
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