Forgiveness...a long time coming...



For too long I obsessed over everything. Every detail, every nuance, every word, and yes every action or inaction in a desperate bid to understand it all. To bring some logic to it, or grasp it all.

Today that stops. For what it's worth I forgive you Tammy. I no longer will seek revenge, nor seek to understand it all. I forgive the lies, the treachery, the deceit. I forgive the lies told to the kids, the whitewashing of your deeds. I forgive the anger, I forgive the ridiculous hoops you made me jump through.

I forgive the loyalty games, the fake profiles, the unauthorized accessing of my bank records. I forgive the manipulations, the word games, and the deflections to avoid uncomfortable truths. I forgive the flirts, I forgive you for the guys you slept with, the ones you admitted...and the ones you haven't (we both know who they are and when they were). I forgive you using me as a safety net while you "stretched your legs" in the dating world and found your "game", I forgive your anger.....and above all.....I forgive myself for making it drag on so very long.

I forgive you because it's time my life becomes MINE again. not an optional accessory to your life. I forgive you because I deserve to be free of the cycle, the useless merry-go-round that was "us".  I forgive because it doesn't matter what you told me, what you lied about or hid. What matters is moving forward. I forgive because the weight of what was & what would never be resolved hindered any movement. I forgive because it's finally time to close that book, and open my new one.

I am happy now. More than I ever have been in....god....years....10+ easily. I no longer attack my past with ferocious desire to make sense or prove what and when who did what...or what wasn't owned up to. I now embrace it and the lessons it taught me, draw from those experiences and live...truly live to be happy.

I hope one day you can embrace your past and draw from it, rather than this whiplash rate of hairstyles, hookups, tatts, and piercings. I hope you can live your most authentic self, no deflections, word games, or maneuvers. I hope you find the YOU that makes you happy. I hope that is a person you can look in the mirror at and be proud of.

I truly hope you find your Happiness, your happy place, your fairy tale...your wish. I want you to have that. I forgive you Tammy.

 

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