Breakups, Makeups, Truth, Justice, & the Bearican way.....

Hello all, continuing with my mental dump I thought I'd touch on how things are often handled in a break up or make up. 9 for 10 you have one side that handles it better than the other, either because it's what they want, because they throw up a facade, or because they've already moved on to the next guy on their family list, lol. I think where things get twitchy is the lack of honesty. Really, even in a breakup there is alot of lying going on. It seems, for whatever reason, folks tend to lie, deflect, or dodge the uncomfortable truths you come across. Now this can be from a sense of shame when they look at their own actions and positions, desire to shield the other party from pain, fear over a hidden detail, or just because it's the path of least resistance. I have done my fair share of bullshitting, believe me. So I know a manure truck when it pulls up. Yet some people insist on maintaining ridiculous cover stories. Why? Pride? Perhaps. I think often the truth..the cold, hard, honest truth about ourselves, either from ourselves or from someone close to us is dangerous to digest. It may alter or shatter our self-image, that can be a hard thing to face. Also the concept of hardening ones self, avoiding any display of emotions, or refusing to face one who is showing emotion. What is that about? Is this REALLY the best course of action? Is locking away a sizable portion of your humanity the best way to heal yourself? or provide proper closure? I wonder why folks feel that acting cold and closed off is the best route? My personal favorite line about a breakup I heard is :"I don't wanna talk about this. I just want to go our separate ways please. Last time you wanted me to answer all kinds of questions and emails. I just want to end this now." What? really? From what I understand this was an off & on 5 year thing. and that's how it ends? Yep...that's how it goes down. Over time things like this have an effect with people. It makes them bitter. Man, woman, it knows no boundaries. Particularly when you see, hear the other party going on about their life as if they never even lost a step.....It makes one party question their worth. I've seen it tons of times. I've felt it personally. You carry around that pain, that anger, and it can poison your next encounter. Not even relationships....you can lash out at friends, co-workers (endangering your job), even family from this anger and pain. So you need to find an outlet..............hence the concept of a rebound. Alot of folk go through this, and it is the most distasteful thing around...because it perpetuates the cycle. It creates more bitter people and sends that wave of negative energy outward. It can be a cyber rebound, emotional, text, or physical....in some way, someone is getting used. I just wish that folks could be more substantial and honest. If their goal is to use someone...be like my brother. Be honest about it, say what ya want, and what you're willing to give for that. You'd be shocked to see how smoothly things can go when you're honest. If your goal is to be in a mutually beneficial relationship, one that has growth, affection, integrity, and honesty....and are willing to do the work to HAVE THAT...say so. Say what you mean.....mean what you say. I guess is the point. If your goal is simply to draw affection from someone, compliments, and positive energy because you feel down about yourself....SAY SO. I think there is a general tendency now in society to never hold anyone accountable for what they say....what they promise....what they say they will do...and what they feel. We do not hold anyone to a standard. We let so many things slide, so long as we do not have a personal stake in it. That builds momentum, so when it DOES come down to 'us' we cannot stop the train from steaming over us.... Couple that with the ease in which the internet can provide an escape, an outlet, a replacement, and/or someone who will tell us EXACTLY what we want to hear...microwave mentality once again... So in the end....we do hold anyone accountable....most important..we do not hold OURSELVES accountable. Let's be honest....Look at how you ended your last relationship...the last time you had to hurt someone......now imagine that being visited upon your child...........now....now tell me how do you feel about yourself? If you're lucky, Karma visits the person....sometimes it doesn't. But like it says, you learn more about someone at the end of a relationship than you ever do at the beginning. And this transcends relationships. This is across all areas, child-rearing, work, friendships, family...all areas. I truly wonder how many friendships, relationships, Marriages, or even lives could have been saved by the application of honesty and honest emotions. How many would be saved, if people just laid it all out on the line, from the beginning, no hiding, no lies...nothing. Just raw, pure, honesty & emotion.....I believe it would save more that we can possibly imagine.... I guess what I'm saying is...be straight...be honest...even if it hurts.....lay your emotion bare...even if it hurts....in the end you'll earn respect, and that is more valuable than anything