Makeups.....the minefield no one warned you about

So...you've decided to give it another go. This usually results in one party recognizing the error of their ways.....aaaand the other using it as leverage for the undetermined future. Sorry kids, in many ways it's just that simple. Usually yourself or former partner says "I made a horrible mistake, I'll do anything it takes to make this work" These are comforting, but often hollow words. I mean in all seriousness, how many of us really....truly will do "Whatever it takes"? Few, in fact. In reality...and this goes back to my constant pounding on the misuse of words and subtle altering of words and statements to fit a situation. Most people are only willing to go so far in fixing a relationship. Unfortunately MOST of that travel involves the other party altering what they do and say. I have been a party to this sad to say on many occasions. And have had it done on me. Most of us in my age group (30-40+) know better than to believe this....yet we still do. Why is that? Well, my guess is...most of us are still romantics at heart. We want to believe in the happily ever after....and that there is one for us. So when someone says that to us...or in the moment when WE say it...it is believed. Completely. And when one party in inevitably unable to live up to that very tall promise we are left feeling more betrayed than we were to start with. More so because when you make the attempt to try again there is a wonderful honeymoon phase that you go through. You're so happy to just be back together that no one wants to rock the boat and talk about WHY you split in the first place. Unfortunately the wounds and issues are still there. Yet because of fear...because of a lack of truth in words...because of avoiding plain, simple, real language the cycle starts again. The wounds fester, the rifts widen, and before you know it, one side, or the other...or my personal favorite...both, blow up again. Both parties have to be committed, honest & willing in order for things to truly work. Telling someone you love them and will "do anything to make it work" is a bold commitment...as well, the other party, or both have to be committed and willing to let go of past pains and transgressions. You have to be honest about what it will take to make it work. and what you're willing to do to make it work, what you will accept...and what you cannot live with.......................Anything less....and you're a child that has no business being in a relationship and should just stick to casual encounters on sites like Meetme, POF, Craigslist, & Fubar...play the games with others that share your maturity level...or lack of therein. It is never an easy road healing. Either by one's self, healing a broken relationship....or moving forward with scars in a new one. Each has their unique challenges. But all require some of the same things in order to succeed: Open Communication, Commitment, Honesty, & Will. It's easy to fall into any one of the traps, be it desire to have revenge, or punishment upon one side (make them squirm....and the bitches that say you should do that are usually the single ones anyway...smh), to the honeymoon cycle, to the ever dangerous broken promise trap. Whatever you choose to do, make sure that you own your decision. What you did right....as well as what you didn't do right. Because while folks say "don't judge me by my past I don't live there anymore" and it is a valid statement.....track record says alot. I guess what it boils down to is: What do you really want in this world and what are you willing to do to get it?

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