Random Thoughts

A few random thoughts that have been rolling around for awhile. No particular order. Just figured I'd get them on "Paper" and maybe that will help. Some of these have been things that have been rolling around in my head for years, some recent. How do you let go of pain, without visiting it upon others? Can you really get past some pains without transferring them? How do you cope with impending loss? When you know...KNOW something is about to go sideways...how do you deal with that? What do you do when the important people in your life go from an integral part of your life, to just a memory? A collection of pictures and messages...trinkets? How do you fill that void? What do you do when someone you've tied your life to, or based a large part of your future on, has gone? I have often wrote that the only constant is change...but how do you maintain your path, your goals...in spite of that change? We all have an idea...in our heads of how life is supposed to be, but how closely does that match what we are living now....How do you get to that place when life is..in many ways, a constant state of flux? In the end, can we really place full faith in anyone but ourselves? If not, how does one forge a meaningful relationship? If you knew someone was gonna leave you...would you change your course, or still have them in your life? Does anyone hold to their word anymore? I have been ignoring alot of my health issues for awhile....male ego, Irish Stubborness, & bad economy....a patented recipe. Well it has finally caught up with me. I have severe Apnea, which is why my energy level sucks and I just want to sleep all the time. Sciatica, which explains when I am awake I just want to lie down...it hurts less. aaaaand diabetes, which further explains why I can't sleep, and have no energy. I made the decision to fix these...it'll be a long road, but i'll get there. I have an MRI in the morning to look at my back, get my C-PAP machine to help me sleep better. Have already started to adjust my diet, and that has helped some. Hopefully I can get it all fixed. It does shed some light on why the last 2 months it's been difficult to be motivated to do anything. I do know the last month and a half it has been very bad though. Fingers crossed that I see some progress soon. and with a lil luck....a change in fortune as well.

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