Harsh Reality

How to explain it. I am not mad, but...I do realize that nothing is as it seems.

In the end I do realize that Tammy didn't really want me, she just didn't want anyone else to have me. I confronted her on the discoveries and her response was flippant, petty, and full of hateful bile.

I confronted her with the following:

It's been brought to me that you have in fact lied about the Bonfire

Lanni...remember kissing him?

Corey...you DO remember the camper right?

Or do you forget the make out session with Kris that Dan got on his phone?

And afterward, you said the only time you met James was at the Bonfire and when you hooked up with him in August. Did you forget when you met him and Kris at the bar before the concert?

Or the two times in May when his Father-in-law said you were at the house??

Did you forget meeting the other Dan for a date?

Did you forget what REALLY happened with Mike the night he was at the house? According to him you gave him a blowjob....AND he mentioned a phrase you used about your mouth being small and your hair in the way.

And...there is more to the condoms and lube than you'll admit. Come on...an OPEN box of condoms that found its way into YOUR sex toy bag, wedged between YOUR wall and YOUR bed in YOUR room....and you knew nothing about it??? Incidentally you blew me off when Kayla was on inbetween that time I was last in that bag and when we found it...AND its a brand you wanted to try....

 

and her response was hateful:

 

 WOW....I don't know where you are getting your stories, but they are interesting. I almost wished each of them really happened. I would so love to know who this Dan person is. Is he cute? 

The only other time she was like this was when she was with James....and oddly enough she acted the same way in May...hmmm.

She never denied anything, when it comes to words she is a master manipulator. I should've seen the warning signs sooner in her interactions with others. I don't begrudge her for lying. These things do paint a pretty craptastic picture of the kind of person she is.

Sigh....what can ya do. Some people just simply are douche canoes.....

I don't hate her. I mean if her car was to slide under a gas truck and burst into flames. I would have a great swell of sorrow and regret.......................................................................................................................At not having Marshmallows, Graham Crackers, and chocolate in the truck.....I so hate missing a good s'more making opportunity you know. 

 

I'm happy though. Happy that I see her truly now for who and what she is.  Happy that I finally know where I stood and stand with her. Happy that I can finally focus on me. Happy that the only people in my life are those that truly care. Happy that I am free of the overwhelming toxicity that was Tammy.

 

Yes it wasn't all bad, but the good parts....they were a ruse. Either her fooling me or I her.   

I do have pangs of pain at times but they are fleeting at best and usually tempered by the reality that if I was still with her I would be teetering on the verge of a full-scale breakdown by now. 

As I look back, we were two people who despite our common likes and initial chemistry...had no business dating or even associating. My roommate at the time warned me of it and I ignored her. Much to my detriment. 

It became obvious...almost textbook fashion...in regards to her narcissistic sociopathic tendencies that the less subservient I was and the less docile I became, the less interest and use she had for me .

 

In fact towards the end she began to make things up that I had "Said" as an excuse for fights or breakups. All  narcissistic sociopaths tend to cut and run when you no longer subject yourself to their abuse. When you stand and refuse to be a plaything any longer. I did and just like that,,,,the condoms and lube appeared and she began to make excuses to fight. Couple that with the obvious visible patterns that are evident now that I have reconstructed everything....and it becomes crystal clear. 

 

It was doomed. and it was a waste of time that approaches biblical proportions. 

 

So much lost......but I did learn how powerfully I can love, and just how hard I can fight for something I want.

 

all in all......a hard learned lesson. As painful as it was....I would never want someone to subject her to the torment she subjected me to. But then again.....she's never had anything she's fought for with everything she had.  Her loss.................The Universe always seems to know how and when to apply counter balance....