Fear....

As many of you know my Dad is very sick. Currently he is Stage 4 cancer. To say I'm handling it is a gross understatement. What do you do when the person that has symbolized strength, endurance and perseverence your whole life is fading away? How do you cope. What can you say? I've been struggling with this for some time now. It has been a major source of stress in my life. This along with the Boys, do I bring them around so they have mopre time, try to sheild them from the pain? How to deal with my oldest who has avoided the situation entirely? I'm in a situation that I can fight through. So I spend alot of times just spinning. I want to break down, I need to break down. I did Saturday. Got myself White boy wasted. Drinking Angry Orchard with shots of Whiskey dropped in them...sitting back..watching Burn Notice on Netflix. In that evening I came to a few crucial realizations: 1. I shouldn't have my phone when I'm that loaded. 2. The only thing I can do is support my parents however I can and let them know I'm there for them. 3. Draw from the past, do not let it draw from you. 4. Hangovers last longer as you get older. 5. Some people don't respect the obligations you have in your life, or the stresses....make sure they know you will regardless of them When times get rough you really learn who has your back. They are the ones that are always there. No conditions, no extortion, no Demands...they're just....there for you. Sometimes very quietly....but always there. I'm very uneasy on how the next few months will go with everything. So much is in flux, alot to decide. While it has been considerably better over the last few months, it's been more hectic as well. Anyone know exactly where we buy those WINNING lottery tickets???

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