Somedays....
Somedays I wonder why I am the way I am. Pure stubborness? A lack of vision? Or just a general read fault? I extend myself, often too far, for others. This has cost me many times because I believe they would reciprocate, and/or do the same for me. Often they do not. In the course of my actions I find myself further and further behind. Example: Had I focused on myself the first time things went south with Tink & I, I would be in my own place, in a good job, and semi-comfortable now.......And in possession of almost all of my things.
Instead I am not. Horrifcally in debt, but getting better, lost of $14k in collectible weaponry (that figure is climbing too because the cost of replacing said items gets higher and higher every quarter), A resume that resembles swiss cheese rather than a solid career path, & a patience level that has ZERO tolerance for any hint at immaturity, gaming, or indecision.
But I still extend....still stretch...For what...why? Especially when it all ends in disappointment. No one seems to be able to walk the walk anymore. Or if they commit to something it's on modified ground, hidden away or some such nonsense.
I digress.......Life is complex and sometimes very very ugly. Miscommunication is probably the biggest problem we face as a race right now. I would dare say 90% of the worlds problems come from mis- or altered communication. When you really, really drill down and strip away all the BS it comes down to people not communicating....or at the very least, not communicating HONESTLY. People say they've changed when they mean "I've changed so long as you do what I want when I want"....People say theyre committed when they are not. People say they miss you & want you, when they mean "Only want you when and where I choose". So...this begs the question..."Why?". Is it because we fear the truth? Is it because delving deeper into what the truth is opens up a scary side we don't want to admit or own? Is it shame? Is it a game we wish not to admit? I'm not sure. But when you see patterns repeated, it's hard not to come to the same conclusion. I guess the moral of today's lesson for me is "Take what people say with a grain of salt. Look at what they DO and what they've DONE.....NOT what they say" The lesson for everyone else....."Be careful what you say, someone may be listening and actually expect you to be held to it".
Instead I am not. Horrifcally in debt, but getting better, lost of $14k in collectible weaponry (that figure is climbing too because the cost of replacing said items gets higher and higher every quarter), A resume that resembles swiss cheese rather than a solid career path, & a patience level that has ZERO tolerance for any hint at immaturity, gaming, or indecision.
But I still extend....still stretch...For what...why? Especially when it all ends in disappointment. No one seems to be able to walk the walk anymore. Or if they commit to something it's on modified ground, hidden away or some such nonsense.
I digress.......Life is complex and sometimes very very ugly. Miscommunication is probably the biggest problem we face as a race right now. I would dare say 90% of the worlds problems come from mis- or altered communication. When you really, really drill down and strip away all the BS it comes down to people not communicating....or at the very least, not communicating HONESTLY. People say they've changed when they mean "I've changed so long as you do what I want when I want"....People say theyre committed when they are not. People say they miss you & want you, when they mean "Only want you when and where I choose". So...this begs the question..."Why?". Is it because we fear the truth? Is it because delving deeper into what the truth is opens up a scary side we don't want to admit or own? Is it shame? Is it a game we wish not to admit? I'm not sure. But when you see patterns repeated, it's hard not to come to the same conclusion. I guess the moral of today's lesson for me is "Take what people say with a grain of salt. Look at what they DO and what they've DONE.....NOT what they say" The lesson for everyone else....."Be careful what you say, someone may be listening and actually expect you to be held to it".
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